the big birth day

One year ago Friday, Lofton and I headed anxiously to the hospital, unaware of the long day that was about to unfold. Neither of us had slept well; a combination of nerves and my window-rattling cough. I was running a fever that hovered around 103 degrees.

We made a pit stop at the gas station to load up on cough drops and then secured our car in the parking lot, knowing the next time we got in as a family, there would be a little baby boy in the back.

It was a long morning. My cough continued to worsen, almost in tandem with the escalation of the Potosin drip.

Around lunch the anesthesiologist came in for my epidural. Tough guy Lofton {who after attending every doctor's appointment thought he could deliver Reese himself} almost hit the floor when they were sticking that horrendous needle in my back. Literally, the nurse left me to help guide Lofton into a chair.

Three o'clock came and went and I was five centimeters dilated. I was still coughing and had a mild amount of pain shooting down my left side. We settled in for what we thought was a few more hours of waiting.

Around five, the pressure became unbearable and we were given the green light to start pushing. Lofton settled in on my left, mom on my right.

The unfortunate thing about pushing out a baby is that you must hold your breath to push. For me, that presented a problem. Every time I took a breath I started coughing. In addition, my epidural did not take on my left side. The pain in my back was excruciating.

This process continued for three hours. Every so often Dr. Alverson would come in to check me, then leave to deliver someone else's baby. My sweet delivery nurse wanted so badly to tell me I was making progress. She kept getting other nurses to come by and check me. The anesthesiologist was called, and re-called, to come and check my medicine. He was positive it was working-- I politely assured him it was not.

Finally, Dr. Alverson came in to check me and delivered some news. He was going to deliver a baby in the room next door, I could either push another hour and if I made no progress I would have to have a c-section or I could go ahead and decide to have the c-section.

When I tell you deciding to have the c-section was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make, I'm not exaggerating. But I think at that point I was so tired, and so sick, and really so worried about Reese. The nurses had already told us to be prepared for Reese to be taken to the nursery immediately. Since I was running fever, there was a good chance he would be as well.

They got Lofton and I ready for the operating room and wheeled me down the hall. For someone who has never been in a hospital suregery room-- I've never even broken a bone-- it was mildy overwhelming.

Less than thirty minutes later, Reese was here. All eight pounds, ten ounces and twenty two inches of him.

He was beautiful.

I fought going to sleep in recovery because I wanted so BADLY to hold my baby. I asked the nurse all sorts of ridiculous questions about her classes, boyfriend, family life-- desperate to keep myself awake. The next thing I knew, I was back in my room.

I fed little man for the first time, quickly, so that he could go back to the nursery. He was a perfect little bundle all wrapped up in his blanket-- well except that his poor face was so swollen from being stuck in the birth canal.

Lofton and talked for awhile. He apologized {I assume for his part in getting me pregnant} and promised that I would never have to have a child again.

The next few days were a blur of pain, coughing, IV's {mine and Reese's} sleepless nights {and Reese wasn't even in our room} and visitor's.

Sunday we went home, our family of three plus my mom.

Lofton took me back to see Dr. Greer on Monday. It hurt to breathe. Because of my incision, the coughing was unbearable. It was hard for me to get from laying down to sitting. Lofton was literally putting his arm under my back and throwing me forward in bed so I could catch a breath.

I had a severe respiratory infection, boarding on pneumonia. My antibiotics were adjusted and a slew of other medicines prescribed.

The first week of Reese's life is a haze to me. Lofton rose to the challenge and partnered with my mom to take care of little man.

Today, almost 365 days later, I can't believe all that happened the day Reese came into the world. Reese is such a part of us. He affects my every thought, my every decision. I want to be a better person, the best mama and wife-- for him.

I always knew I wanted a child, but I never knew how much I could love a child. Reese is the best gift I have ever been given.