heart broken

I worked all weekend on preparing my heart for going to work this morning. I was going to be tough.  We were going to revisit our safety plan and I was going to answer their third grade questions best I could.  Did I mention I was going to be tough?

That lasted all of five seconds before I dissolved into tears.

I'm always, always a mama first.  And my first thought Friday was of my own precious baby boy.  And the parents, who just like me, sent their kids to school on Friday with a kiss and a reminder to be sweet and do their best.  And now those same parents have Christmas trees with presents that will never be opened.

I know it's not really about presents.  But it is about all the milestones and memories that will never be made.

My second thought Friday was of my other twenty kids.  I love my school kids.  Like really love them.  I think the majority of teachers feel the same.  I didn't become a teacher for the money or the vacation days. I just really like hanging out with kids all day.  I like watching them learn and helping them become independent little people.  Just like Reese spends the majority of his day with his teachers, I spend the majority of my day with other people's children.  And I try, every day, to remember to treat my children like I would want Reese treated.  It's an enormous responsibility.  And to think of those teachers trying desperately to protect those precious children hurts my heart so deeply.

So, I, just like millions of other mamas out there am hugging my little one a little tighter.  Letting him spend a few extra minutes snuggling on the couch and staring at Christmas tree lights.  But I'm also hugging my school kids a little tighter, too.